Friday, December 28, 2012

Venom, Fury and Bile

Ever held a grudge for a really long time? I know full-grown adults who are still holding grudges from primary school.

What’s it getting them? What’s holding a grudge getting anyone?

-       Probably a knot in the pit of their stomach whenever their mind consciously or inadvertently goes to thoughts of that person.
-       Bile, fury and venom that builds within them and serves typically to darken that person’s life – not the object of their grudge.

This is life. People will behave in ways you see as irrational. People will behave according to their own codes of conduct – which may not always align with your own. People will upset you. People will even do things which justifiably deserve your anger.

So after some frustration happens, you can continue, indefinitely, to hold a grudge:

-       Or you can let the object of your grudge know your feelings (where appropriate) and you can try and resolve it like rational adults.
-       Or you can let it go and move on with your life.
-       Or you can use that anger as motivational fuel rather than bile fuel! To do this you need to figure out how you can totally nullify the anger you feel by being so grateful for what it has motivated you to do.

This year has been a challenging one for me. There have been a few times where I’ve been pretty furious in the moment – and it’s been a huge learning experience for me. I willingly put myself in situations that I now wouldn’t do again. I’m thankful for those lessons even though they were painful to learn.

In one situation where I felt probably the most let down, I let the anger build for a little while but then I decided I was going to go with option three above. I was going to get myself to a point where I felt thankful for the situation because of what it motivated me to do.

I made a commitment (verbally to someone I knew needed to hear it) that everything the business lesson cost was going to have been recovered within 12 months through smarter choices. We did it within 6.

So while when New Years Eve kicks around I could be looking back furious at the year, instead, I choose (and it’s definitely a choice) to look back with thanks and excitement at the changes I’ve made and the decisions I won’t make again in the future.

Bye bye grudge.  Bye bye bile. Bye bye venom.  Bye bye fury. Hello genuine, heart felt thanks. 

By Anonymous with 5 comments


Thanks for your post Kirsty.

Life's learning never ends...its beautiful.

Sometimes people know how to push our buttons and it can be a challenge to deal with them, but if that is achieved, then in a most powerful way, knowledge and skill have been attained and are ready for the next "life challege.

I'm at a half century and relish these events at this time in life although I don't desire them often or in vast numbers lol, and fortunately they don't come my way like that either ;)

Enjoy your 2012...we still have a few awesome days left....and happy days for 2013.

Keep posting:)


BTW, I found a link to your FB (I'm not on FB) and saw your pics....some nice work there Kirsty....keep shooting:) ....also your Steve Jobs clip.....inspiring of course....thanks for that also....
Check out Ray Anderson on TED if you haven't already....I love him.

Hi Dave - always lovely to hear from you! Wishing you a stellar 2013 and what's left of 2012 too :) I haven't seen Ray yet - shall look into! K

I came to this post a few minutes after reading about a woman arrested for pushing a man in front of a train in New York. Why? Because he looked like a Muslim, and she hates Muslims because of the WTC and September 11.

Some people spend their whole lives sad, mad and bad because of something someone else once did to them. It becomes the excuse for every failure, shortcoming and weakness.

Oh! It's not my fault. Blame my parents, my teacher, the bully at school, the government, my wife, my boss, etc. We could all find someone to be angry at. It is not hard. Some allow it to control their lives.

The problem with venom, fury and bile is the damage it does to us emotionally, and physically. Rage and heart attacks are closely linked. The more rage, the more damage we do.

Kirsty, glad to see you can put it behind you. You face the public, and I know from personal experience that can be a very frustrating exercise.

Take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself, will anyone (including me) care in a hundred years? The answer is always, NO! And that pretty well sums up why we should get over it and move on.

Enjoy! - Phil Stephens

Love it Phil - great comment. K

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